Friday, March 24, 2006

Pretty Queer Eyes

Over the past week, I have found myself in three (count it, three!) homosexual establishments. One might conclude that this type of pattern is indicative of some underlying urge. However, I would have to refute that charge. I am what one might call an "extreme heterosexual." Kinsey himself wouldn't be able to stand in the same room as me.

Last night, I walked into what turned out to be a predominantly lesbian bar, with a smattering of pretty men and "handsome" women. Perhaps I should have noticed that something about this place was strange upon seeing the six-foot-nine diva with no breasts and the shoulders of a basketball player, or the drag queen giving manicures. But no, it wasn't until I saw a man and woman attempting to pick each other up by the breasts and genitals on the dance floor that I realized that something was wrong. (Apparently, homosexuals are amused by public displays of these normally sexual acts.)

Once it was confirmed that I was indeed at a lesbian bar, I began to realize why there were so many single women mingling (some were even buying each other drinks!) As a result, I have decided that "gaydar" is a term that should be reserved exclusively for male homosexuals, since the ability to point out queer females requires a completely different skill. Perhaps we could call it "Lesdar." Or, as a friend suggested, "V-Dar." Who knows? It is quite possible that the homosexuals have already come up with a name that I am unaware of. God knows they like keeping their little secrets.

As you can tell, the night ended on a sour note. For a time, I thought I had found paradise. But, apparently paradise doesn't exist. The closest thing to it is a lesbian bar in the East Village.

1 Comments:

At 2:01 PM, Blogger CodeBlue said...

Oh no you didn't! OH NO YOU DIDN'T! It's like you haven't even heard of the #Metoo Movement! Are you SERIOUS?? This is too offensive... I'M. GOING. TO. NEED. to call the government and issue a complaint at the #Metoo department. Oh WAIT! there is no #Metoo department because of racists like you!! SERIOUSLY?! WHAT. WERE. YOU. THINKING. Anyway, I was talking to my racist anti-vaxxer bitch earlier and she was all like "omg, jane fonda looks so good for her age we need to get in touch with her!!!" so seeing as you are a rich famous blog owner I was wondering if you could put us in touch with her???? Please call if you can...

My friends number is: 1(800)-FUK-OFFF!!

Ya that's right! did you think I would put Zanthia's real # on the internet! She's my best fucking friend in the whole fucking world you bitch!Fuck off! Unless you know of Janie Fonda!!! then def stay touch - Bayyeeeee :)

xoxooo - Aka #hashtags

 

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