Electoral Collage

According to the New York Times editorial board, Americans should seriously consider eliminating the electoral college. After all, the popular vote is all that really counts anyway, right?

Wrong.

I mean, come on, we spend our whole lives learning that being popular isn't everything - in fact, it can ruin your life (see: Mean Girls) - and then suddenly the New York Times brings us the breaking news that the presidential election is really just a popularity contest. I guess this shouldn't come as much of a surprise. Look at the vocabulary that we use when describing our government: college, parties, freshmen, seniors, independents (aka "bi-curious").

So, if we don't eliminate the electoral college, what do we do? Maybe we can spice it up a little bit. After all, the old red & blue color scheme is getting a little tired isn't it? Maybe we can add a few new colors. What about turqoise, or magenta?

And as long as we're talking about Republicans and Democrats, what the hell is going on with the elephant and the donkey? Yes, back when the Republican Party was formed it was not uncommon to see men like Abraham Lincoln riding to work on elephants. But nowadays, that practice has become so rare that they no longer even reserve spots in the Senate parking lot. That is, except on "Alps Night," when both Houses of Congress get together to stage a reenactment of Hannibal's battles against the Romans.

Toga! Toga! Toga!