Nipple Sandwich

So what has it been, like two weeks since I last posted on this blog? I know what you're thinking: "What a jackass."

Stop right there. I can explain.

Exactly two weeks ago, a Keebler Elf bit off my hands when I stuck them in the oven as he was baking his chips deluxe. "This is what you get," he said.

He was right. That is "what I get." Fortunately, after I spent about ten days tenderly massaging Cornelius's nipples (with my nipples), he was generous enough to bake me some new mitts. These ones are even better than the last! I just have to remember not to dunk them in milk.